Vampires can't lie
by bibi 13ca
Summary: A really short inside on the DE scenes from the last night's episode. One-shot.


**N: So, this is more an inside for the DE scenes from episode 2. If your words inspire me, I might write an M rated story on the bathroom scene. Hope you'll like it and you will write me a few words.**

**This is not beta-ed, too short and not much of a story so I didn't bother my girls with it. sorry for any mistakes you might find.**

**Breath, ignore, keep calm!**

I didn't have to open my eyes to be aware of everything around me. In fact, I was pretty sure I could do just about anything with my eyes closed. This was the good part – if it can be called good – of being a vampire. Feeling everything that occurs around it's a whole new experience. I took a deep breath. I found that despite the fact that I no longer needed to breathe for my survival since I turned, I have been doing just that, breathing. Taking deep breaths to keep myself calm, concentrate on my breathing to fight the blood thirst, and listening to others breathe.

Stefan moved beside be and I finally opened my eyes to look at him. He had a big smile on his face and I couldn't help but smile back shyly. He's been trying to be okay with everything, he is been trying to help me and make things easier for me, but I knew he worries. I also knew how happy he was I turned. I can't blame him though, I knew it will be hard and sometimes I thought I'd rather die than keep doing all of this, but in the end I can't let go. It's not just because of Jeremy or Stefan or Damon, it's because deep down, I still have this feeling that I am not done yet.

"Hey," Stefan whispered and I giggled as I answered him.

A few minutes later we were ready to hunt. I have been training, getting used to my new strength and speed. So we were deep in the woods. Stefan told me to breathe (again with the breathing) and keep calm. As if I can keep calm when I know damn well what am I about to do? But I guess that hurting a deer is in a way better than hurting a human being. I had to defend my choice in a way, but deep down I knew better. It was bad either way; for me anyway. I looked at the animal and it felt like it was looking back at me. Maybe it knew what was about to happen. A part of me was telling the poor animal to run a way, a part of me actually wanted it to get away. But I was hungry, I was so hungry. Up until that moment, I never thought one can feel the need to feed with every fiber of their being, but there I was, nothing standing between myself and the prey and I didn't think I had ever felt that sort of hunger before in my life.

***DE***

After the 3rd time I had to rush to the toiled to throw up blood I knew something was wrong. Stefan told me that I might not like the taste, that I might still feel like I'm hungry, still crave more, but he didn't say anything about throwing up everything I eat. I was in his room, I told him about throwing up once, and he said it might happen because of the texture. It sounded silly, but I actually believed he believed that. I fell asleep a few second later and when I woke up, Stefan was right beside me with a sad look on his face. I thought he was sad because he realized something must've been wrong, but it turned out that, that was not his main concern at the moment.

"Why didn't you tell me?" he asked.

"Well you said it might happen, I didn't want to make a big deal out of it."

"What are you talking about?"

"The animal blood; it makes me sick. What are _you_ talking about?" I asked with puzzlement in my voice.

"I am talking about the fact that Damon used compulsion on you." for the first time since I turned, I had all my senses blurred, it felt like I couldn't hear or see I felt dizzy and disorientated…like in vague dream. "I saw how worried you are and tumbled, I just wanted to see if you are thinking about –"

"You got inside my mind?" I asked immediately jumping from the bed. "What gives you the right? What, you wanted to see if I am thinking about Damon?"

"No, I wanted to see if you are thinking about turning it off," he said softly and I took a step back as a defence mechanism. "Your humanity," he went on. I didn't think about it once. Because no matter how hard it was living with my emotions, the alternative seemed worse. Why would he think I would want to turn off my emotions? I am not like him.

"I'm not." I answered simply.

"I know that now."

"Why didn't you ask me how I feel instead of violating my mind like that? It would've been easier."

"I thought you wouldn't tell me if you were thinking about it. But I guess that's not the only thing you wouldn't tell me. When did it happen?"

"Last year; when Rose and her friend kidnapped me for Elijah. That night when we got back, he came to my room to bring me back the necklace. It was hard for me to figure it out. At first I thought it was happening in the present and I was losing my mind. Then I thought it's just a memory; a regular memory. It turned out it was just a memory, one I didn't recall until after I died. I didn't tell you about it because it didn't matter."

"It obviously matters to you Elena. You keep re-playing it in your mind over and over again."

There was something in the way he said that, in the tone of his voice that made me want to cry. Crying seemed to be the only thing I really wanted to do lately. And feed, I wanted to feed too. And run. Actually, every single thing I wanted to do, the moment I wanted to do it, it seemed like the most important thing in the world. Anyway, in that moment the most important thing seem to be crying, then running and hiding. A second later I realized what it was…it was _guilt_. I felt guilty, but not because I didn't tell Stefan about Damon's compulsion and about the memory. No, I felt guilty for how that memory made me feel. Yes, I was re-playing it in my mind, over and over again. It made me feel certain things; things I probably shouldn't feel.

"We're going hunting again. You should be starving by now," he said and I didn't object.

***DE***

I got inside the grill and chose to ignore how my breathing chanced pace when I saw Damon at the bar. It was so much easier to ignore things when I was human. Now everything I felt hit me at full force.

"That seat's taken," he said and I looked at him confused.

"There is nobody here," I pointed at the empty seat beside me.

"I was going to pretend that there is someone there, because the alternative it's just too damn depressing," he answered and I moved to his right side, ignoring the pain that rushed through me knowing he was in pain. Were vampire's really supposed to feel everyone's pain like it was their own or was that just a thing reserved to special people? I wondered.

"Damon, something's wrong. I can't seem to keep any of the animal blood down."

"That's a shock" he mocked.

"I think I need your help," I said and he let out a sigh.

"Of course you do. Well, pick your meal," he turned and pointed to a few people inside the grill. Of course I protested, I didn't want to hurt anyone. There was something I at least needed to try.

"Fine, come with me."

He didn't wait for me to accept or decline his offer. He grabbed my hand, I'm sure without realizing the effect the gesture had on me, and dragged my inside the bathroom. That tiny bathroom seemed more like a scene for every pair of actors who were brave enough to get on it. So many things had happened in that bathroom, it was now part of the Mystic Falls history. Or at least it should've been.

I just watched him as he turned to face me and raised his right hand to his mouth. He looked me directly in the eyes as his deathly canines pierce down his own flesh. I could hear the bite, feel the bite and smell it more than if it would've been my own.

"What are you doing?" I asked, pretending like it wasn't obvious that he was offering me his blood. The same blood that, whatever I wanted or not was running through my own veins.

"You need worm, fresh blood from a living source Elena. Although that it's clear to me, and I am pretty sure there is no way around it, until you figure that one out on your own, this will have to do."

I knew he was right and although with Stefan I was able to pretend, I knew I couldn't fool Damon. I was starving and every cell of my body wanted the blood, needed the blood. At least I wouldn't be hurting anyone.

"Just don't tell Stefan," he whispered.

"Why?"

"Because…drinking from me as a vampire…it's kind of personal," he answered and my eyes flew from his wound to his eyes. He just nodded in that subtle way of his, pointing towards his hand. Maybe because of that nod, maybe because I was starving or maybe because feelings were still there and I couldn't act on them. I don't know what made me do it in the end, but I grabbed his hand and bit down.

For a moment everything stopped, and then…everything became so powerful, I thought I might vanish away. I don't think I have ever felt something quite like that in my life. Being so connected with someone that they become you. That's how it felt like drinking from Damon: like we were now _one_. I could feel his heartbeat – even if it didn't beat – I could feel my own heartbeat. His breathing accelerated and it was echoing in my sensitive ears. I needed Damon, I wanted Damon, so much that I felt the need to devour him, literally. That crazy expression: "I could eat you up" that people use to express love, seemed appropriate now, because I wanted to drink him, all of him until his essence was all inside of me.

I had made my choice, and my choice had been to let Damon go. Of course that turned out to be easier said than done. I wanted to, I tried to pretend it was easy, but truth been told, Damon was just…part of me and there was no possible way around it. We tried to avoid each other and I knew why, he knew why, Stefan knew why, everyone in Mystic Falls knew why. I was so afraid that spending time around Damon would make me lose control. And I had been right to be afraid.

The fact that I made a choice didn't make my feelings go away. I couldn't repress them, not as easy as I could when I was human and they weren't so damn overwhelming. Right there, in that legendary bathroom, I let my feelings free for a split second. As I drank him down, gulp by gulp, I let myself be his.

When he pulled back his hand I let out a cry of protest, but I knew it was time to get back to reality no matter how much I wished I didn't have to.

"Let's hope that would do the trick."

***DE***

"I'm dying aren-t I?" I asked in a moment of panic.

"No you are not dying. You'll be fine. Maybe that's just your doppelganger blood rejecting the change," he reasoned. All of a sudden everything was better, because if Damon said it, I had to believe it. He was the kind of guy that would give it to you straight even if you didn't like it. And I knew that no matter what, he won't let anything happen to me.

He caressed my face softly as he kept telling me I'll be fine. There was no way I could explain what being so close to him did to me. I wanted to reach out to him and…I didn't really know what I wanted to do, but I knew I wanted him close to me. His fingertips seemed to burn my flesh everywhere he touched me. I wanted to stay, I wanted to run; my feelings were all over the place. My eyes stopped on his lips and automatically I licked mine. Flashes of our kiss from what seemed like decades ago rushed through my mind.

The noise of the church bell was what pulled me out of that state. Breathing deeply, I made my way inside. I chose not to think about what I might have done if that bell hadn't ringed.

***DE***

"You lied to me," Stefan was almost mad, watching me in that sad way that always made me feel so guilty I wanted to evaporate.

"No, I just didn't tell you," I tried to make sense out of it, but it made sense to him just as much as it did to me I was sure of that. I was pretty sure that everyone would consider not saying something as lying in a way.

"You fed on him, Elena. Maybe that doesn't mean much to you, but it does to me and it certainly meant something to Damon." He was wrong of course. Not about that meaning something to Damon, I knew it did, I felt it. He was wrong about not meaning something to me. Kissing Damon, flirting with Damon, needing him and relying on him, none of these made me feel like I had betrayed Stefan more than feeding on Damon.

"I needed his help…"

"You went to him. Every time something happens you go to _him_, Elena!" Stefan yelled. "I would've done it. You knew I would do anything to help you. You knew that, Elena and still, you didn't. You went to him."

"He understands…"

"And I don't?"

"No, you don't," I said and looked away after I realized I just admitted the most important thing I found out about myself since I turned. That most of the time, Damon was the only one capable of understanding me.


End file.
